How cruel is this world?

I have been avoiding myself to enter to this blog and avoiding to view my handsome lovely son's photos in this blog. until I saw a message from a reader that reminded me I have a blog for my son who is in the heaven. Till now, I still not recover and not able to find my strength to live happily. How on earth I dare to ask others readers to get positive strength from my blog? This is just too sarcastic for myself and the blog heading.
Everyone now asking me "How was your son's case?" I am hoping I can just answer this to everyone loud and clear "My son's case is NON of Your Business!!!" Don't you care about my feeling?

The most ridiculous part was my best friend asking me "Anything I can help?" I silence for months
Then..... 
When I asked for help "I need to sustain my living now with this business, can you support? " and all of them GONE!!!!

what is my feeling?

it has been long time i never care about my heart, my feeling. after one month not knowing what am i looking at, what i am working at, what am i living at.i am struggling living in this world, the world that i able to touch, i able to put my feet on the land, but i never feel i am able to breath properly. with my life changed after i lost my lovely yanxue, i always hoping to meet him in the heaven.

What would you do if you have a friend who lost her baby?

When I lost my son, we are immobilized by grief, if you were my friends, it would be great if you could help me anything,  yes ANYTHING! at least show up. I had friends who avoiding me totally, I had friends who keep on calling me and questioning me what's the result of the he autopsy, I had friends who just text me "I am sorry to know..".

How I wish that I had  a single person/friend who could  make herself available, especially in the first few weeks when we were still grieving seriously.
However, I was lucky to have a network of caring friends which we never met before. After everything quieted down,  the idea of going out to the store (or anywhere) and seeing mothers with their babies froze me in a cold panic. (That's fairly common for bereaved parents.) How I wish there were someone took care of that for me for a couple of weeks, and ran other little errands for me (post office, etc.) and left me to tend to my own home.

Well, I am not writing this to complain but, I am hoping whoever reading this blog, please do something to your friends who are grieving for the loss.

There are some things that might be better done by others, though
Example:

• Cleaning the child's room and packing things away carefully for when the parents have the emotional energy to go through them.
• Bring lots of food/activities. Not just this week or next, but at least once a month for a year.
• If your schedule/life/sleeping style permits it, tell your friend that she is allowed to call you at any time, including the middle of the night. Write this on a pretty card and put it near the telephone. Just in case.
• Making a mix tape or CD of songs that don't have to do with children or death is a good thing, too. Also finding light reading that doesn't have to do with children or death (P. G. Wodehouse's Jeeves books come to mind; Bailey White's little essays about life with her mother; maybe Jan Karon's books about the Episcopal priest and his congregation in North Carolina).
• Little treats here and there over the next year--maybe a spa day three months from now, for instance--might be good.
• Frankly, just telling your friend you love her whenever you think about it is probably the most important thing you can do.

One of the big ways you can really help them to help you to help them is to ask concrete questions that will let them make a quick and easy binary yes or no assessment of "do I need that?" Instead of "How can I help?" try "Would it be helpful if I [insert idea]?" or "Can I [insert idea] for you?" or words to that effect. If you ask "How can I help?" the first answer you're likely to get is "OK".

It was not SIDS

I received the Autopsy report after 4 months living without my son - he supposed to be 7 months old now... For the people on the rest of the world, I am hoping someone can help to raise this issue out to Malaysia Government, I am fed up with the daycare system and the enforcement system here, I need some CNN or BBC to report that out and wake our government .
A very healthy boy said hello to the world, natural birth with perfect health, I breastfed him till the end of his day and I was so proud of myself that the expressed breastmilk can last 6 months old.

A cruel daycare centre owner, killed my son!  Because of you, I lost my dream and my life.....

How can I forget about you -Yanxue

It has been a long time I dare not touch this blog, every click on the pages makes me feel heart pain. I tend to work on other things and fill every minutes and every second on other stuff. At one time, I forgot about I had a son, the son that makes me smile and makes me cry.

I am a mother of 3.5 months old boy and experienced 9 months + 3.5 months = 12.5 months motherhood. All my skill and experience as a breastfeeding mother stop at 3.5 months old baby, I don't know how to introduce solid food, how to teach him crawling, sitting, potty training..

Oh my boy - Yanxue , how could I forgot about you , you will always be in my heart till the end of my life.

Out of Control

Often we assume that if we are NOT 'in control', things will go wrong. So we attempt to control our mind, our body and the people we associate with. Ended up, we have too much expectation on what we are controlling.... once it goes the other way, we will be sad.

I tend to control my life all the while, and this incident was the first ever incident that really out of my control very much!

Petition Please support

The numerous deaths and abuse of children at care centres must be stopped.

In March, three-month-old Tan Yan Xue died at an unregistered daycare centre in Setia Alam. Despite apparently suffering from breathing difficulties, the staff of the centre did not call for an ambulance or rush the baby to a hospital or clinic.

In January, two babies in an unregistered childcare centre in Kuala Lumpur died after allegedly choking or being poisoned on milk.

Another seven-month-old baby boy was admitted to a hospital’s intensive care unit also in January apparently after falling at an unregistered daycare centre in Shah Alam.

In March, two female caretakers at an unregistered Johor childcare centre uploaded a Youtube video showing nine babies wrapped tightly in cloth, with one baby’s mouth taped up.

Last year, five children died in illegal childcare centres.


Change.org|Start an Online Petition

Things Not to Say or Do to a Grieving Parent

When a parent loses a child, you can't fix it for them. What you CAN do, however, is support them, be there for them, and listen. I have noticed this in a website I found it very true. For those who doesn't know how to react to grieving parents, here are all the DON"Ts

• DON’T tell them what they should feel or do. Even if you've lost a child before, all experiences are different. 
• DON'T let your friends, family or co-workers grieve by themselves. Grief is already isolating in its own way. (Well...we already know how I feel about that. I guess in some cases they felt like a month or two was long enough.)  

• DON'T say “you can always have another child.” (Children are not replaceable and what if the person can't?) 

• DON'T reference the child's age as a positive attribute of the death. My child was 3 month and 2 weeks old. Although I didn't know him for as long as someone who lost a 16 year old knew their child, I still knew everything about him and loved him. Saying "at least he was just a baby" is not helpful. It's actually kind of cruel. 

• DON'T tell them what they should feel or do. (This includes going to therapy. Not everyone does well in therapy, can afford therapy, or wants to go. It's a personal decision.)

• DON'T try to find something positive (e.g. a moral lesson, closer family ties, etc.) about the loss. There is NOTHING positive about losing a child. Period. 

• DON'T tell them not to cry. Crying helps some people. It's better to cry than to bottle up emotions.   

• DON'T allow your own fears to prevent you from offering support to the bereaved. (Being around grieving people can be awkward and scary for you. But not half as scary and sad as it is for the person who is grieving.)
• DON'T force bereaved people to talk about their loss. They will engage you when the time is right. (There are people in my life who bring things up JUST to get a reaction out of me. Not cool.) 

• DON'T Expect grieving parents to be strong and don't compliment them if they seem to be strong. (This makes us place unreasonable expctations on ourselves.)
• DON'T say "I couldn't go on if something happened to my child." Although you might think this is a compliment to the person's inner strength, sometimes it makes the parent feel as though their love for their child is less than what yours is for your own child, simply because they are breathing. 

• DON'T assume that when a grieving parent is laughing, they are over anything or grieving any less.   

• DON'T compare their loss to a loss you've had. At least, don't do it out loud to them. Losing your dog/grandma/uncle/cat was undoubtedly sad. But it's not the same. Sympathy is great. Empathy can be even better. At least in the beginning, however, most grieving parents want to talk about their own experiences and find something to relate to. If you haven't lost a child yourself, this is a topic best steered clear of. 
• DON'T complain about your living children. Eventually, you and your friend/family member/co-worker might get back to a point where you can talk about how ornery your child is being and the other person won't be sensitive to it. For awhile, however, this is something you should avoid. They would probably give anything to have their child break a figurine or backtalk. You won't find much sympathy here. 

• DON'T think that children are too young to appreciate loss or death. 

• DON'T say, "If you need anything call me" because the bereaved don't always know how to call and ask for your support. (And will probably immediately forget that you said that.) Instead, just do it. Visit them, bring them food, start doing their dishes...be proactive. Don't wait for an invitation.

• DON'T think that good news (family wedding, pregnancy, job promotion, etc.) cancels out grief. (Yes, happy things do still happen to us and around us. That doesn't mean we are "cured.") 

• DON'T have expectations for what bereaved parents should or should not be doing at different times in their grief. For some people simply getting out of bed and getting dressed is a huge accomplishment. They will do more when they are able to.

• DON'T suggest that they should be grateful for their other children. Grief over the loss of one child does not discount the parents’ love and appreciation of their living children. (I can't even go there with this one. Grieving parents ARE grateful for their other children-that doesn't soften the blow of losing one, however.)

• DON'T say “you should be coping or feeling better by now” or anything else which may seem judgmental about their progress in grieving. (How do you know when they should be feeling better? Grief never goes away. This also puts a tremendous amount of pressure on the parent who might feel as though they are already trying hard enough as it is.) 

• DON'T say that you know how they feel (unless you've experienced their loss yourself you probably don't know how they feel). (Even if you HAVE experienced a similar loss, it's a pretty individual journey.) 

• DON'T bring up a religious reference at all unless you know the parents' religious orientation. Because the thought of the child being in Heaven is comforting to you doesn't mean that it will be for the parents, especially if they are atheist or have other beliefs. 

• DON'T avoid the parents because you feel uncomfortable.Being avoided can make the parent feel as though they and their child have been forgotten.  

• DON'T make any comments which in any way suggest that their loss was their fault. (This can be unintentional, too.)

• DON’T change the subject when they mention their child. If they bring the child up themselves, chances are they want to talk about them. 

• DON’T ignore the child's death. Talking about other things in an attempt to make the parent "happier" might likely have the opposite effect. 

sand theraphy works for me?

i have signed up for a few counseling sessions, and one of it is  sand theraphy....iam not sure will this theraphy works for me? but i am hoping i can channel some positive aura or energy to my husband and to whoever near to me...at least i try to do something good but not commit suicide?

Mold Attacks My Rice Cooker

I can't believe when I opened the rice cooker this evening after that LONG months I never touch any cookware, there was still rice in my rice cooker, probably 3 months old.

Terrible gray and black mold all over the cooker, anyhow, seems like an easy plan but still a pain. Pain as I thought my husband is coping it well during these few months, in fact he is not. He used to wash the cookware and kitchen when I was with Yanxue or during pregnant. I did the cooking part and he done the cleaning part. 

And started to worry about Yanxue's clothes that ares still in loundry bag untouch, will mold attach his romper???