What would you do if you have a friend who lost her baby?

When I lost my son, we are immobilized by grief, if you were my friends, it would be great if you could help me anything,  yes ANYTHING! at least show up. I had friends who avoiding me totally, I had friends who keep on calling me and questioning me what's the result of the he autopsy, I had friends who just text me "I am sorry to know..".

How I wish that I had  a single person/friend who could  make herself available, especially in the first few weeks when we were still grieving seriously.
However, I was lucky to have a network of caring friends which we never met before. After everything quieted down,  the idea of going out to the store (or anywhere) and seeing mothers with their babies froze me in a cold panic. (That's fairly common for bereaved parents.) How I wish there were someone took care of that for me for a couple of weeks, and ran other little errands for me (post office, etc.) and left me to tend to my own home.

Well, I am not writing this to complain but, I am hoping whoever reading this blog, please do something to your friends who are grieving for the loss.

There are some things that might be better done by others, though
Example:

• Cleaning the child's room and packing things away carefully for when the parents have the emotional energy to go through them.
• Bring lots of food/activities. Not just this week or next, but at least once a month for a year.
• If your schedule/life/sleeping style permits it, tell your friend that she is allowed to call you at any time, including the middle of the night. Write this on a pretty card and put it near the telephone. Just in case.
• Making a mix tape or CD of songs that don't have to do with children or death is a good thing, too. Also finding light reading that doesn't have to do with children or death (P. G. Wodehouse's Jeeves books come to mind; Bailey White's little essays about life with her mother; maybe Jan Karon's books about the Episcopal priest and his congregation in North Carolina).
• Little treats here and there over the next year--maybe a spa day three months from now, for instance--might be good.
• Frankly, just telling your friend you love her whenever you think about it is probably the most important thing you can do.

One of the big ways you can really help them to help you to help them is to ask concrete questions that will let them make a quick and easy binary yes or no assessment of "do I need that?" Instead of "How can I help?" try "Would it be helpful if I [insert idea]?" or "Can I [insert idea] for you?" or words to that effect. If you ask "How can I help?" the first answer you're likely to get is "OK".